Chronologically disadvantaged
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Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Me: Mwuh? Inner Voice: Don't answer it. There's only one person who could possibly be phoning you at this hour. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Ring-ring. Me: Bollocks. (lifts handset) Me: What?! Mother: Don't say "What", say "Hello, ***** speaking". "What" makes you sound common. Inner Voice: I told you we should have bought an answering machine. Why is it that my mother thinks 8:30 a.m. is an acceptable time to phone me? Does she think that I spend my nights lying awake, staring at the ceiling, desperate for news of the Clancys new kitchen? That I wake in a cold sweat in the wee hours because I don't know about the primary school jumble sale? She brushed aside my pleas of "Let me get back to sleep". It was evidently imperative that I hear more news from the parish. Like I said, the Clancys are having a new kitchen put in. Apparently it's going to be all in chrome and light wood. "Where do they think they are?" opined my mother, "London?". In her eyes, London is the epitome of everything decadent and unholy. Once she'd finished bitching about her neighbours, she started on about the local am-dram group. She told me that she'd joined the Village Players to "get some time away from your father" and had expected to get a good part in their forthcoming production of 'Run For Your Wife!'. But she's dropped out of the show because, she ranted, "they gave the lead to Susan Wheeler, who only got the part because they felt sorry for her, what with her gammy leg and her husband running off with the shopgirl from Country Stores." I have to say that around this point I actually fell asleep again. So I missed most of her bulletin from the Village of the Damned. I woke up again to hear my mother saying "...but nobody's sure what happened to the cow." I have no idea what she was referring to. I shudder to think.
Farewell Land of Nod
7.11.03 15:30
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(7.11.03 15:35) Have you got a sister, small, very pretty? I think I met your mum this morning. |
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(7.11.03 15:38) No sister. But the girl you describe sounds very interesting... You don't have her number, perchance? |
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(7.11.03 15:38) Mothers, who'd 'ave 'em? Anyway, sorry for the monster comment, but I thought you'd be interested, especially in the first line: Googlism for: the bottle shop the bottle shop is owned by marxist jim the bottle shop is to be operated by me and no other party the bottle shop is necessary to provide for the reasonable requirements of the the bottle shop is the place to the bottle shop is located in the main foyer of the club the bottle shop is located in the union building next to the eagle bar [EDIT: decided to snip some of the dross out.] the bottle shop is open 7 days for members and reciprocal club members the bottle shop is now closed the bottle shop is good the bottle shop is available for the bottle shop is a bunch of cock sucking leech whores on crack [EDIT: more dross.] the bottle shop is closed the bottle shop is not going look like a big candy store when they grow up the bottle shop is located in part of the refurbished former hardware area and the remaining area will be used for expansion of the supermarket the bottle shop is open every day monday to thursday 11am to 11pm the bottle shop is doing a huge trade the bottle shop is unlikely to trade much beyond 9 pm and would not contribute to any adverse traffic or noise impact |
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(7.11.03 15:42) The Bottle Shop is... "owned by marxist jim" - true. "open 7 days a week" - also true. Alas. "sweep the floor" - only if you're Keith. "a waste of time" - can't argue there. "doing a huge trade" - as if. "cock sucking leech whores on crack" - if only. |
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(7.11.03 16:14) Hope your ready for Mondays report honey? Your mother and my mother should get together and go bowling. |
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(7.11.03 16:17) Answer - she doesn't. Think, I mean. |
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(7.11.03 16:20) What did happen to the cow - I udder to think as well... |
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(7.11.03 16:33) Daisy - do I need to prepare? Or can I just blag my way through it like I do here in the shop? pog - damn right. BWA - make that joke again and I may have you barred. |
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(7.11.03 16:35) Isn't that what you did to those sheep? |
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(7.11.03 16:48) l_b - I'm sure you can tell *looks up* that Adam rehearses constantly. So with that in mind I think you should just blag x x |